The Idiot Report

The Idiot Report........

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right
away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

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Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

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Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line,
waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his
note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the
man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was
waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

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Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received
a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign

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Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was
in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the
name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested
the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

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Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign

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Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape. Yep, Here's your sign

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwegast1:City, Wisconsin) We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to
request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too
many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good
place for them to be crossing anymore."

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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg lettuce.

He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City!

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I
replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled
knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was
crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I
knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when
the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people
doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker. She was leaving the
company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is
fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all
just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not
turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side"

This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi!

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