A couple random jokes

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
>>> marriage, and
>>> values Mike said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife
>>> before we got married,
>>> Did you?
>>>
>>> ' Bill replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her
>>> maiden name?
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad,
>>> where did my
>>> intelligence come from?'
>>>
>>> The father replied. 'Well son, you must have got it
>>> from your mother,
>>> 'cause I still have mine.'
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
>>> carefully,' the divorce Court
>>> Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife
>>> $775 a week,'
>>>
>>> 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
>>> said. 'And every now and
>>> t hen I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the
>>> Emergency Room,
>>> took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the
>>> looks of your wife
>>> at all.'
>>>
>>> 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But
>>> she's a great cook and really
>>> good with the kids'.
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
>>> curse he has
>>> been living with for the last 40 years.
>>>
>>> The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me
>>> the exact words
>>> that were used to put the curse on you'.
>>>
>>> The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce
>>> you man and wife.'
>>>
>>>
>>> ----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
>>>
>>> 1. The DNA all matches.
>>>
>>> 2. There are no dental records.
>>>
>>> ----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell
>>> me how long it'll
>>> take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
>>>
>>> The agent replies, 'Just a minute..'
>>>
>>> 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of
>>> Juan Gonzalez.
>>>
>>> 'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
>>>
>>> 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
>>> 'A golf gun?!
>>>
>>> What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure
>>> made a hole in Juan.'
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
>>>
>>> Joe: 'Really?'
>>>
>>> Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in
>>> hell.'
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse
>>> appears and
>>> asks him how he is f eeling.
>>>
>>> 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the
>>> four-letter-word the doctor used in
>>> surgery,' he answered.
>>>
>>> 'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
>>>
>>> 'OOPS'
>>>
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I
>>> passed a display
>>> of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty
>>> pounds since
>>> I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my
>>> husband's
>>> advice.
>>>
>>> 'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a
>>> bikini or an all-in-one?'
>>>
>>> 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd
>>> never get it all in one.'
>>>
>>> He's still in intensive care.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in
>>> a well preserved
>>> body, but rather to slide in sideways, totally worn out,
>>> shouting
>>> '....holy ****....what a ride!'

 

LMAO thats good. Luna