Because I'm A Man...

Because I'm A Man...
======================================================

** Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with
a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road
service until long after hypothermia has set in.

** Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start."We will then drink beer.

** Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as
sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

** Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back
together.

** Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator).

** Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I
don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a
complete stranger. I mean, how the heck could he know where we're
going?

** Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The answer is always either sex or food, though I have to make
up something else when you ask,so don't.

** Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her
any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay,
I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my
Mom, too!

** Because I'm a man, I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I
really have to go", and mean it every single time I say it, even when
it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have
to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have
my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't
understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. Like,
what's the connection?

** Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

** Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is
fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

** Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 21st Century, I will
share equally in the housework? You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.

 

Anything else you'd like to get out before you get back to your chores?

 

All very true... specially the remote one

 

Listen here drama pants. Men don't have chores, we have missions.

The mission I CHOSE to accept today is to completely decontaminate the working surfaces within the latrine ( SIR! ) ( repeated again with more volume) COMPLETELY DECONTAMINATE THE WORKING SURFACES WITHIN THE LATRINE ( SIR!) The mission will be completed only if the said action are performed before the time limit as prescribed by General which is " I GET HOME "

Wish me luck

John

 

:yelrotflm

Thanks for the best laugh I've had all day

 

My pleasure Maam,

The official announcement from the war department is that the mission was accomplished within the defined parameters and without any collateral damage or losses ( mainly me )

Permission to be dismissed........

 

Permission granted but only so that you can go cook me some dinner

 

Sorry Maam,

You will have to use your own trooper to prepare your chow