Friday ! finally, lets celebrate with some jokes !

no rc mcwaters3

its just not that easy for most of us to come up with jokes suitable for a family forum

you managed it perfectly by the way

I have books of jokes
but the family friendly ones are in the minority

Steve

 

lol im tring my self but I work in the prison system so I know a ton of "colorful" jokes ;D

 

I'll play...

Old man driving down the road sees a cop car with its sirens on behind him. He slowly pulls over and waits until the police officer comes to his window. The officer looks at him and say "Sir, did you know your wife fell out of the car a few miles back?"

Old man, "Oh thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

 

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

 

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"

The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"

 

Not at all rc! I have a 1 year old,so i'm up and down constantly,love the game warden one!Keep em coming!

I had kind of a dirty joke myself,but i just washed my hands,so now i can't tell it.;D

 

marriage kills LOL

In October 1993, in Iran, where celebratory gunfire is traditional at weddings, a guest named Rasool lost control of his automatic weapon at a wedding in the Lorestan province, accidentally killing six people and wounding fourteen of them.

I think I'll stick to the tradition of throwing rice--it seems much less dangerous

 

hahahaha i can go all day

 

Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl."

 

Neally Dunn - was a young lad from Ireland- who made his way to England in order to find work

Neally was away from home for 12 months, and his mother had not heard anything from him at all

Mrs Dunn contacts the local priest and asks for assistance in making contact with her son
as naturally she is concerned by the silence

the priest is also concerned that the young man has been away that long and not thought once to contact his mother

the priest vows to find young Neally and explain to him the error of his ways

The priest asks Mrs Dunn - exactly where is your boy
Mrs Dunn replies - he is in London W1

the priest arrives in Heathrow airport later that day and on arrival sees a sign saying WC
he wanders in and notices a closed door

he shouts out "are you Neally Dunn"

a voice respons "Yes, but there is no paper in here"

the priest replies "Thats a pretty poor excuse for not writing to your old mother"