Friday ! finally, lets celebrate with some jokes !

Im going to wrap it up since I took this over ;D real life EXP.

Inmate is talking to me as another inmate walkes out the door and begins to walk down the hallway. I "Inform" the inmate ( a young white guy in his early 20s) to get back into the dorm" to which he does only saying "that the cookie monster will strike you down and eat your brain."

Need less to say I locked him in his 8 man cell by him self and called for back up. he freaks, gets buck nakey (keeping it clean) and starts screaming "the cookie monster is coming, the cookie monster is coming."

At this point im dieing laughing as he has flooded his cell with toilet water, buck nakey, screaming.

So i call the J.E.T 9 jail inforcement team ) and we all go in and grab this kid and put hi into cuffs, buck naked in 2 inches of toilet water .

what does he do? sits down and says that "The Elmos, aint taking him no where." so need less to say he is draged across the concrete butt first for about 100 yards to the hole ;D.

Why is it funny you ask? his butt sreaching across the concrete all the way there yelling "Cookie monster be with me."

He swollowed about three sheets of acid

funny story but is very true8)

 

The breaks over, time for joke takeover!

 

one more to keep it going

Im bringing one to jail, search him and find an 8 ball. so I ask him "Is this yours?" to which he replies "no." I say "but it was in your pants?" he says "these aint my pants."

huh? only thing I could say. He goes into a long deep discusion on how he had been bar hopping all night and had gotten jumped for his pants earlyer and had gotten another pair from his friends trunk.

NO JOKE TRUE STORY ;D

 

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, “I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!”

The waitress says, “That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.”

But the blonde keeps on screaming, “I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!”

Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.”

The blonde says, “No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!”


And she hands the ticket to the manager
and HE reads...

“WINABAGEL”

 

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker(who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "And where do you think you're going?"


You're gonna love this..... )

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"


no offense to blondes, my girlfriends an extreme blonde

 

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen.
You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

 

no, no .... this is a family thread / site -- edit that last joke (funny tho)

 

I agree on both,keep it family friendly
and those were pretty good! lol ;D

 

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop-off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you are. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both
the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you are. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?




Get your drunk self off the merry-go-round!

 

yea i took them down..its kinda hard finding FUNNY jokes that dont have a little bit of "dirtiness"