JoKeS

Is it me, but alot of us like jokes and seem to post them often...Shouldn't there a sticky thread for jokes in the bucket section? Just my 2 cents....Heres a couple to start us off...BTW the second one is little touchy so don't hate!!



{This lady goes into the pharmacy and ask the pharmacist for some cyanide. The pharmacist says maam I cannot give u cyanide, I'll loose my job. He asks maam what do you need cyanide for? The woman said I caught my husband cheating!! And I'm going to poison him. Well the pharmacist gets very upset and asks the woman to leave. The woman says before I leave I'll ask you one more time, for the cyanide she reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband and the pharmacist's wife and shows it to him. He replies thats different I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A PRESCRIPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! }


{ Ok So Farah Fawcett died and went to heaven...God says," Farah you were such a kind and caring person I'll grant you one wish." Farah being such the nice person she is says,"I want all the kids in the world to live in a SAFE world." So that night she goes to sleep and the next day she awakes.....BAM!! theres Micheal Jacksons standing next to her....

 

lmao michael jackson one is good haha k+

 

Just letting you know there are some puns....some old, some new...let me know what you think...got any good ones(puns or jokes)???


-A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


-A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes.

In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.
After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, "Do you want them mounted?"
Blushing, she said, "No. holding hands will be fine."

-Q: Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

A: Because it's too cold out tide

-For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon trip. They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when they arrive.

The husband says "I'll just nip around by their window and see what they do - we can maybe get some ideas to spice up our 50th year!"

Sure enough, through a crack in the curtains he sees the young couple engaged in foreplay. They are naked, sitting on the floor some distance apart with their legs spread. The young man is shooting marbles, aiming to lodge them between her vertical lips; she is tossing doughnuts, aiming to ring them around his erect member.

After a few minutes of this they rush together and make tumultuous love.

The old man is quite excited by this idea, and makes his way back to his eagerly waiting wife. He describes the game, his wife getting more and more inflamed herself.

"Darling, this is going to be so good," she says: "Run right out for some grapefruit and Lifesavers!"

-A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pi$$ing and moaning.

Sorry So Long....Last one for now.....(sorry another pun)lol

-There was the person who sent ten different puns to
various people, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.