Oh Mother...

What I learned from my fathers ****ty parenting is how NOT to treT my daughter. Working out like a charm.. Good luck and try to learn from it

 

try talking with her sometime when things are quite and tell her how it makes you feel. You know deep down if she is crossing the line,,,everyone here is just trying to help. At work I have seen and have to deal with the effects of kids getting the crap beat out of them, and recently had a 3 year old die from his father using him as a punching bag and then letting him lie there until he was brain dead just this week and a 5 week old whose brain is bleeding because he was kicked in the head.

I think you owe it to your mother to at least talk with her because it does sound like you do have a relationship with her. She may honestly not know what she is saying to you and the effect it has on you. She could have been raised like this and it be a normal part of life for her. Or it could be emotional abuse. But I think if you sit down and at least talk to her calmly and explain how it makes you feel and how degraded you are, it might help. However if YOU think it crosses the line then it is, you need to talk to somebody about it at least, like a school consuler etc. If she touches you (other then a spank) it is crossign the line. But only you know that.

 

Have a talk with her for HER BENEFIT. You'll get sick of it and won't spend time with her when you're an adult. My dad lives less than 30 minutes from me. I don't return his phone calls. I don't respond to his emails. After 40 years of his critical and emotionally abusive remarks, I decided that I just [EDIT: don't desire nor deserve to have to] deal with it anymore. Now that my mom has died, he is A L O N E, alone. I take him out to lunch for Fathers Day, visit for 10 minutes at Thanksgiving and Christmas....and that's it.

 

I think Corailline is right on the money with her advise it is statistically a vicious cycle of abuse which can encompass everything from verbal abuse to physical abuse and it is a cycle that needs to be broken. You must remember your mom may not even know that she is doing these harmfully things but is just reacting the same way she was treated by her parents.

Speak to someone family member or school counselor.

E

 

I have a super super hyper-critical mom as well. It can be hard. It's gotten worse as the years pass, so the brunt of it came as I was an adult and able to rationalize it better. She has come out with some nasty comments towards me over the years.

Is your Mom critical of others as well?

 

inwall and i are alot alike i dont talk to my dad because he has a new wife and daughter, that being said my mother in law act like that alot and not matter what just never has anything nice to say or has a hard time saying nice things LOL it sucks but you only have 4 more years with them anyway enjoy the time now it gets worse as an adult when they dont have a say "it drives them nuts LOL".

 

I honestly don't understand why everyone thinks it's abuse; either that or I'm to young to understand lol. I'll just say this: my mom is a nice person, but just getting on her bad side makes her say bad things sometimes and it is kind of degrading after a while so when I get a chance I'll talk to her and just see what happens. Thanks for all your help guys; really makes me feel better.

 

That's why people think it's abuse. You describe it with a textbook definition of abusive behavior.

 

wow it's really amazing and wonderful to read everything here, I think it will help us all. Saltwaterguy, I think you should think this over very hard and be honest with yourself, because as some one said already if this is more infuriating than your giving credit to now you many find you have unresolved anger about it latter in life that effects how you act and what happens in-between you, your mother and other people close to you. The problem is your being forced to become acclimated to an environment that you don't like. It's like the fish that you put in your tank and is harassed by the mean fish to the point that it never comes out of the rock, and then when you take the mean fish out the scared fish still won't come out of the rock for a long time. People hide in their "rock" for years and this stuff can shape how you behave a lot more than you would think as a kid, we adults are not as smart about our feelings because we've felt them for too long. If you allow yourself to be in a situation that makes you feel in a way long enough you may find that has become a large part of how you feel and relate (even if you don't like it). You got to build the fish tank of life around you the way you feel comfortable, too much stress and you will get ick.

I agree it's abuse, but we all experience abuse to all levels in life. It's not the level that the CPS should be involved. I don't know about out there, but here in Cali they have done more bad than good in my experience. Dealing with them is abuse too!

 

Hopefully you'll be able to look back and laugh when she's in a home somewhere. I think what your dad means is that it will give you character. Which it will, but perhaps not the character he is thinking of.