Puns old and new

Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."


Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly,"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to Look at, either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says,"Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal"

;D

 

Its like a train wreck. I don't want to keep reading but I just have to.:biggrinbo

 

I think I have finally been out punned

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?

John

 

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?

 

Art

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the front step?

 

mat

sorry i aint got no more for you guys...

 

PLEASE!!

 

What do you call a man in a pile of leaves?

 

What do you call an Italian sky diver?

 

Why why why do I want to know the answers?