Some guy's trip to WalMart

MY TRIP TO WAL-MART....

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a
large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet,
ELMO , the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout
line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since
I'm retired and have little to do, on
impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I
probably shouldn't, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect
diet and that the way that it works is to load
your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel
hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone
in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in
intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Black
Lab's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have
a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart
won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They
have all the time in the world to think of
crazy things to say.
"Be who you are and say what you feel...
Because those that matter... don't mind...
And those that mind.. don't matter."...

 

That's the best story ever.

 

heres a better one, lol....

Dear Mrs. Sandy S,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Mike S, has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and
have considered banning the entire family from
shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband
has caused. All complaints against Mr.Mike S. have been compiled and are
listed below.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MEMO: RE: Mr. Mike S. - Complaints - Things Mr. Mike S. has done
while his spouse was shopping in our store:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
“Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And; last, but not least!


15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile;
then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

 

where do you all find those..too funny!;D

 

google: banned from walmart

you'll get all kinds of stories and different methods of getting banned from walmart, haha!

 

I need to try something like that! getting banned from walmart can be like the best thing ever...lmao!

 

buddy of mine in colorado got "banned" from walmart for a dumb reason, in CO it's legal to carry a holstered weapon in plain sight, which he does, well walmart observing state laws does not post no weapons allowed signs there, he gets nailed by security, note this is wally world security not them calling the cops, they tell him he has to disarm and try to grab his gun from his holster, well one thing leads to another, he has this security guard on the floor waiting on cops to show up with his gun drawn on the guy, the moment someone tries to disarm you and your armed it's considered a lethal force act and you have every legal right just to blow their heads off, he now has a pending law suit against them since their security guard was "improperly" quoting laws and telling him it was illegal when their not even allowed to touch a shop lifter, amazing how someone thinks their doing the right thing even when their wrong, he's lucky he didnt get shot

 

thats funny.... my favorite quote at the end there too by Dr Seuss!

 

got banned from wally world in my teenage years for randomly trowing things handgranade style over to opposing isles. Loved the story CG, laughter is always a good thing!