Some jokes to laugh at.

The perfect Husband


[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price ... and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye ... I do too ... "[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?[/FONT]

 

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

 

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

 

lol, thnx for the laughs

 

ROFLMAO! Oh thats terrible! I love it.

 

Yeah, thanx for the jokes (hehehe)

 

very funny

thanks for sharing Lunatic

Here is one you probably know

old couple visit the docs, because the husband has not been feeling well recently

doc explains that in order to perform correct analysis they will need samples of the husbands Urine, faeces and male fluids

the husband who has a hearing defect (he is old) asks his wife "what did the doctor say Honey"

his wife replied " the doctor said you need to give him your underpants"

Steve

 

A wife is cheating on her husband.

While the husband is out of town for work one weekend the next door neighbor comes over for a little fun. All of the sudden the wife hears the garage door and says oh crap that's my husband. Trying to think of an escape for the next door neibhor, she comes up with a quick plan. She then runs down to the kitchen for a glass of water and some flour. She sprinkles water on the neighbor and then douses him with the flower.

The husband walks upstairs and says. Honey im home.

The wife replies, I thought you weren't coming home until monday?

The husband says, The conference ended early. He then looks over in the corner to see the next door neighbor covered in flower and asks, Honey what is that?

To which the wife replies, Um, Thats just a statue I bought yesterday at a yard sale.

The husband says, I think I like it!

Later on that night the husband slowley crawls out of bed and heads for the kitchen. In the refrigerator he grabs a ham sandwhich and a beer. He then goes back into the bedroom and approaches the statue and says, Hey man, heres a sandwhich and a beer. Man I stood at the Stevenson house down the street for six hours and didn't get ****.