Tell a joke :)

Did you know Kiwi's discovered a new use for sheep last week? Wool...

 

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach"

 

This one did make me LOL,first time I've used that abbreviation.

 

Did you hear they're having terrible issues with Amish gangs in PA.? Yes, Amish Gangs. Apparently they're breaking into peoples' homes, and unplugging everything.

 

Larry,

Consider yourself shunned.

 

There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber.
The sea cucumber walks over to the mollusk and says: "With
fronds like these, who needs anemones!

 

I'm honored, Curt.

 

LOL

Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark
attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend
that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as
possible.

If this doesn't work, beat the shark with your stump.

 

man walks into a bar - barman places a dish of peanuts in front of him and walks away

the peanuts speak to our man and say " your looking very smart tonight sir"
our man is a bit shaken by this and wanders over to the slot machine
he is about to put his money in and the slot machine says " back of you fat lump, I dont want you breaking my handle with your big fat paws"

the man walks back to the bar and calls the barman over
he explained " Ist the peanuts spoke to me and said I look smart and then the fruit machine insulted me about my weight"

barman informs him
" sir the nuts are complimentary, and the slot machine is out of order"

Steve

 

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.(You can use any race you want. It dosent matter)

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!

If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again!

If get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.

"The blond guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again.

If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.

The Mexican opens his lunch sees a burrito and jumps too.

The blond guy opens his lunch, sees bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral, The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If only I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!

The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas and saved his life! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blond guys wife.

"Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He packed his own lunches."