Unfortunately

This may seem like a strange post, but it is bothering me.

I have a wife who does not share my love for aquariums. In fact, she wouldn't mind if I got rid of the ones I have.

I need a larger one for my parot fish. Then, I'll have to stop. She won't even allow me that.

I have a 10 gallon with my parrot fish, a 10 gallon salt water nano & a 30 gallon with goldfish.

I don't know iif my LPS will allow me to take my goldfish back. ( free of charge ) & I'd use that for my parrot

I could use my 10 gallon for guppies, neons, etc.

Sound reasonable ?


Brow Beaten

 

Keep the tank and get a new wife...LOl

 

There's give and take, but each person in a relationship / marriage needs something that makes them happy. Having an aquarium isn't unreasonable. My wife or significant other would not tell me what I can or cannot do - if I wanted a tank, I would get one. There are much worse things you could be doing with your spare time or money. Just my humble opinion.

 

My wife hates my tank. I wanted it and she didn't and I vetoed her. So that sort of was not cool. In her defense, I do tend to go overboard and she just thought it was just another one of my obsessions. Which it is.

The awesome part is when all her friends come over and go ga ga over my tank. They all tell her she is crazy for not liking it.;D

So it really isn't about my tank, I have had other obsessions and more about that and doing what I want regarless of what she says. So I need to take that into account and chill when I can. Cleaning the skimmer cup when she is home is completly out of the question.;D

Having said that..... multiple tanks for me is out of the question. I try to show her I'm not as bad as all those other guys out there with 400g in 5 different tanks.;D There is nothing wrong with hobbies...or even obsessions for that matter, but there does need to be some give and take. I don't know what the answer is for you. Could you just pick one and go with that?

 

Having gotten married later in life (read, we were both fairly set in our ways), my wife and I butted heads a lot. We ended up going to counseling and worked out a lot of things. One of those was the amount of time I spent on other things (primarily aquariums, volleyball and computer games). Through counseling we realized that I needed these things for my own time and well-being and she thought that the fact I was spending this time away from her meant that I didn't care about her. Once we realized this and had open communication it was much better.

Basically I said something to the effect of: This is something that's important to me that I've been doing for a long time and want to continue doing. The fact that I spend time doing it doesn't mean that I don't love you, it just means that it is an additional facet of my life that I spend time doing that gives me enjoyment.

Now, look at things from her perspective...

Ask yourself:

1) Are the tanks good looking or eyesores? Let's face it, not all tanks look good. While this doesn't matter for many aquarium enthusiasts it certainly does for significant others who live with us and don't share our zeal. Can you move the tanks or really work on making them more attractive?

2) Are the tanks causing clean up issues? This was an issue with me. Salt deposits (primarily from putting my hands/arms in the tank and dripping off) and a "slight" accident with a tube of gel superglue didn't make things any easier for me.

3) Why doesn't your wife like the fish and sea life? Have you engaged her with it?

What I did:

I took my wife to the LFS on a number of occasions and introduced her to my friends there. She doesn't care too much about corals so I have her pick out a fish. It turns out she loves tangs and blennies so I've bought a couple more as surprises.

I tried to make the tank as nice looking as possible by keeping it clean, keeping things organized and asking her if it looked ok.

What would I do if I were you?

First ask her why she wants the aquariums to go. It's going to be time, money or aesthetics, I guarantee it. Once you find out, then you can negotiate with her. If it's time, use a similar tactic to what I did. If it's money, mutually agree on a monthly budget. If it's aesthetics, work on getting a bigger tank. Small tanks are not as attractive as larger tanks. Take her to a LFS and ask her what tanks she likes then work toward getting it.

Most important is to engage her in the hobby. Once you do that things will change.

 

im 14 and have no idea what you should do relationship wise but what these people said have made sense to me. just dont let a fish tank ruin anything, unless its a rediculous thing.

 

Maybe you two could work out a compromise. I'm sure she owns things or has hobbies that you don't enjoy, but every person needs their own thing to be happy and enjoy life. And when you're happier, it makes youa better partner. Obviously your relationship is more important than fish tanks, but it seems like there should be some give and take.

 

I just want to say good luck to you oceansurf.

 

Buy her diamonds, then you get a fish tank, simple......

 

Yes it is that simple. Diamonds and gold and a pearl or 2 go a long way. I really am joking. I am very lucky!! I get no (maybe a few) complaints. My wife found a fish she likes and we bought it. Problem solved. In fact if it was not for the old ball and chain my Mandarin would be dead. I am lucky. If you cannot work it out you get the tank and she gets the house. WHAT A DEAL. My biggest problem is she took my 34 gallon tank. I get the 55. She has not done much with it but it is hers. I will get it back soon. I just need good cards when we play poker. The best advise I have is to talk it out. Good luck. You are going to need it.;D