White House Spokesman Denies Sexual Implications of Iraqi Pull-Out

In recent weeks, the Bush administration has been accused of lathering and lubing their pro-war rhetoric with various references to sex. However, during a White House press conference on Friday, spokesman Tony Snow denied these allegations:

“There is absolutely no validity to these claims,” he said, “we have made every effort to penetrate as deeply as possible into the oil-rich wells of the terrorist motherland. Having intimidated our own allies with long-range ballistic missiles capable of busting bunkers with extraordinary delicacy and precision, it seems absurd that we have somehow resorted to carnal doublespeak.”

Iranian missiles, in various states of moderate arousal, still have yet to measure up to America’s rising stature.

Mr. Snow excused himself, went to the bathroom for 10 minutes, then returned to the conference:

“Let me emphasize again that we can more-than-rise to our stiff competitors. In fact, our hard-driving surge has moved us right into the red zone. Believe me, no one is going to pull out until the emission is accomplished.”