Whoes the Comedian?

That's the signature in my e-mail ;D

Hilarious!

 

Nobody here beats the late and great John O. Steve is your next best bet Every time I try to be funny I get in trouble, so have just decided to stop until I get a better personal grasp of "PC"

 

Young lady walks into a bar and starts running her fingers through the bar mans beard

she asks "Is the landlord in? " as she continues top run her fingers through his beard
barman replies with a grin "No Miss"
lady asks "Is the land lady in?" and still continues to run her fingers through his beard
barman replies "no Miss"
lady asks, as she runs her fingers through his beard some more "Is the manager in?"

barman replies "no miss , there is nobody in the place senior to me"

lady says "When they get back, can you tell them there is no soap and water in the ladies toilet!"

 

Thats just wrong man :

 

A little boy was down at the rail road tracks putting pennies on the track for the train to flatten. When the train came and just then a dog tried to beat the train and was run over. The little boy ran back to his house, burst in the door, all excited and talking too fast said; "Mama, mama I was by the train tracks and a train was coming and a dog was crossing, and, and the train ran his ass over!" The mother said; "No, son, that's rectum." The boy said; "Rectum hell, it killed him!"

 

The President and his team visits a mental health institute as part of a care in the community programme -

The President is introduced to Harry, who has been institutionalised for 20 years but has spent his time in the arts and crafts centre and is now producing masterpieces in clay/ stone and on canvas

The President engages Harry in conversation

President speaks "Harry how long have you been here?"

"about 20 years , Mr President" replies Harry

The President asks him about his art

Harry responds "Well Sir, I wanted to put my time to good use and create a legacy in order that I can be remembered for good things and not for the shame and burden I bought to my family, I also think that this hospitals value can be measured by my achievements and that my endeavours reflect the caring and nurtiring attitide of the staff and management here!"

The President is taken aback at Harrys eloquence and intellect thus informs him that he will speak to the senior staff on his behalf as maybe its time Harry was re introduced to the community

Harry is pleased

The President then asks Harry " who is the bloke on the table and why is he up there?"

Harry replies " ignore him Sir, thats just Nigel and he thinks he is a table lamp!"

The president asks him "Why dont you do him a favour and get him down from there?"

Harry replies " are you crazy or what, then we would all have to sit in the dark!

Steve

 

How do you make a tissue dance?


You put a little boogie in it!


Ok, my neighbors daughter told me that one and I about fell out!!! I know it's cheesy but sometimes those are the best ones.